They proceed to fight over Cersei and who has the bigger you-know-what. Meanwhile, on a beach below King's Landing, while Jamie preps his elope boat, Euron randomly walks out of the waves. King's Landing is finally hers! She's won! This is what she's been working so hard for since Season 1! And yet, the feeling is just meh and fails to live up to her pyro fantasies, so Dany decides to obliterate the entire town, block by block, for shits and giggles. They ring the town's We-Give-Up-Please-Stop bells.ĭany takes a moment to take all of this in. Euron was blasted out of his boat and his entire fleet is at the bottom of the bay.ĭown in the city, what remains of Cersei’s army decides they have had their fill of the smell of their burnt friends so they surrender. He and his fleet got this!Ĭersei's Creepy Personal Assistant: Uh, about that. Meanwhile, up in the Red Keep, a very delusional Cersei watches all the destruction below and thinks, This is fine.Ĭersei: Well, I still have those dart thrower thingys!Ĭersei's Creepy Personal Assistant: Actually, no.Ĭersei: Well, Euron nailed Rhaegal harder than he nailed me the other night. The next morning, Dany is sick of waiting to incinerate everyone so she takes Drogon out for a ride and promptly smokes Euron's entire fleet.ĭany's official statement on destroying all of Cersei's defenses in the matter of a few minutes: Yeah, good luck with that.īefore parting, Tyrion thanks Jamie for being “the only one who didn’t treat me like a monster.” That sweet brother moment means that one of them is totally going to die very soon.
Tyrion hopes that if Jamie and Cersei run off to live happily ever after with their twincest baby, everyone can just skip this whole war thing. Low-Level Employee: Ummm, I’m gonna have to talk to my manager.īecause Tyrion apparently has a death wish, he decides to continue his streak of fireable offenses. Let me through so I can kill Cersei real quick and no more fan favorites have to die. Outside the gates of King's Landing, some low-level employee stops Arya and Clegane from entering.Īrya: Sup, bro? I'm the girl who killed the Night King and the reason we’re all still alive. Someone is in danger of getting fired from his position as the Hand of the Queen (and literally fired by Drogon too). For a supposed genius, Tyrion has been wrong pretty much this entire series. Dany takes it out on the nearest Lannister: "The next time you fail me will be the last time you fail me." Harsh employee review, but the woman has a point. The next day, news breaks that Jamie has been captured trying to rejoin #TeamCersei. Hell hath no fury like an auntie scorned. In that moment, Dany decides she's in the mood to butcher some innocents. After a pitiful round of tonsil hockey, Jon makes this face: Jon tries to calm her down by declaring that she's still his queen and that he totally has the hots for her and doesn't in any way want to vom in his mouth when they make out now that he knows she's his aunt. WHAT ? DID ? I ? SAY ? WOULD ? HAPPEN ? IF ? YOU ? TOLD ? YOUR ? SISTER? ? In the most listless, bored tone I've ever heard, Dany instructs Drogon to torch Varys' ass and proves that she doesn't need some rude little book to burn her enemies.īack inside, Dany lets Jon feel some heat too. Nice try, Tyrion, but Lady Olenna already has this phrase trademarked and merchandized.īut back to this execution.
Moments before Varys meets his maker, Tyrion tells him, "It was me." Just like that time Melania Tr*mp plagiarized Michelle Obama's speech, Tyrion is copying someone else's homework:
Some dude is betraying me again.ĭany: Patriarchy works in predictable ways.ĭany is officially done with everyone and everything, including under-eye concealer.īack in his bedroom, Varys is plotting to fling photocopies of his Burn Book pages all over Westeros.īut before he gets the chance, Dany has him marched outside to be executed. Tyrion: Hey, Queen D, I've got some breaking news!ĭany: Hmm, lemme guess. Tyrion sees all the messy pot-stirring Varys is up to and snitches. Varys: C'mon, dude! You'll get to sit on a cool chair! Varys still doesn't think she's "likable" or "electable" enough to win the 2020 Democratic primary the battle for the Iron Throne, so he tries to sell Jon on this whole ruling thing. We find Lord Varys scribbling up a storm about Daenerys in his Burn Book.